7 Mistakes to Avoid When Adopting Out of State

Adopting out of state is exciting and emotional, but it’s also complex. No two adoptions look the same. Your adoption journey depends on your family, the birth parents, the adopted child, and the laws of the states involved. Because there is no cookie-cutter answer, the most important step you can take when you are considering adopting out of state is to talk with an experienced North Carolina adoption lawyer.

Attorney Bobby Mills of Mills Adoption Law in Raleigh, North Carolina has spent more than 35 years helping adoptive families and birth parents through the adoption process and related legal processes, including many interstate adoptions. Drawing on that experience, he can often anticipate problems that other people would not even think to watch for. It is wise to coordinate your adoption strategy through a free interstate adoption consultation at Mills Adoption Law to prevent unexpected issues from derailing your plans.

This guide explores seven common mistakes to avoid when adopting out of state and how working with seasoned NC adoption attorneys can help protect your family, your time, and your peace of mind.

What Does “Adopting Out of State” Mean in North Carolina?

When a child is born in or lives in one state and the adoptive family lives in another, that placement is often called an interstate adoption. Under North Carolina law, interstate adoptions are governed by both Chapter 48 of the North Carolina General Statutes (North Carolina’s adoption law) and the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC), which North Carolina has adopted in N.C. Gen. Stat. § 7B-3800.

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The ICPC requires:

• Compliance with both states’ adoption laws
• Approval by ICPC offices in the sending state (where the child is born or resides) and the receiving state (where the adoptive parents live) before the child can legally cross state lines for adoption

This overlay of adoption laws means that prospective adoptive parents in Raleigh, NC should not rely on generic online information. Instead, they should work with adoption attorneys who regularly handle interstate adoptions and understand how ICPC decisions affect their adoption proceedings and wait time.

If you are considering adopting out of state and you want to talk about your options with a North Carolina adoption lawyer, contact Mills Adoption Law today at (909) 316-2899 or complete our online form to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.

Mistake #1: Assuming All States Follow the Same Adoption Laws

A frequent misunderstanding for adoptive parents is assuming that what is allowed in North Carolina will automatically be allowed in another state, or vice versa.

In reality:

• Each state has its own adoption laws governing consents, revocation periods, who may adopt, and what adoption agencies in NC and other states must do.
• For interstate adoptions, you must meet both states’ rules on consent, background checks, the home study, and finalization of the adoption process.

If you work only with an adoption agency outside North Carolina that does not regularly coordinate with North Carolina adoption attorneys, critical requirements under North Carolina law can be overlooked. That can lead to:

• Delays in ICPC approval
• Problems finalizing your adoption in North Carolina court
• Additional travel, costs, or even the need to redo paperwork

A North Carolina adoption attorney like Bobby Mills, who regularly represents adoptive parents in both agency adoptions and independent adoptions (also called private adoption), can review the laws of both states and help align the legal process from the beginning.

Mistake #2: Traveling Home Before ICPC Approval

Many adoptive families want to return to Raleigh, NC quickly when adopting from another state. But under the ICPC:

• You cannot take the child out of the sending state until both states’ ICPC offices approve the placement.
• Leaving early can violate interstate compact rules and risk the placement.

During this period, which can range from several days to a few weeks depending on the state and how complete your paperwork is, adoptive parents must remain in the sending state. A knowledgeable adoption lawyer helps reduce avoidable ICPC delays by making sure:

• Your home study is current and meets ICPC requirements
• Required background checks, medical information, and financial documents are includedAdoption agencies or other professionals involved send complete packets to the ICPC office the first time

Planning for this stay, including housing, time away from work, and support services, should be part of your early conversations with your adoption attorney.

Mistake #3: Not Choosing the Right Team: Attorney, Agency, and Other Professionals

Successful interstate adoptions in Raleigh often depend on the right combination of:

• A licensed adoption agency (if using an agency adoption)
• An experienced adoption attorney in Raleigh, North Carolina
  Sometimes an additional adoption lawyer in the child’s birth state

In North Carolina, Chapter 48 recognizes agency adoptions, independent adoptions, adult adoptions, and relative adoptions, each with different requirements.

Key points to consider:

• If you work with adoption agencies in NC, verify they are properly licensed, experienced with interstate adoptions, and willing to coordinate closely with your attorney.
• For independent adoption or private adoption situations (such as when you connect with a birth mother directly or through online outreach), having an adoption lawyer involved early is especially important.
• When the child is born in another state, you may need local counsel there in addition to your North Carolina adoption lawyer to make sure that consents and adoption proceedings comply with that state’s law.

Mills Adoption Law works with agencies and out-of-state attorneys to help clients in Raleigh, North Carolina align the legal requirements of both states from the start.

Mistake #4: Overlooking Consent Requirements and Birth Parents’ Rights

One of the most sensitive parts of adoption law involves consent. Under North Carolina law and many other states’ laws:

• Birth parents (often including both the birth mother and legal father, when identified) must give informed consent to adoption, with specific statutory formalities.
• There may be waiting periods before consent can be signed, and limited circumstances when consent can be withdrawn.

In interstate adoptions, you must:

• Follow the consent rules of the state where the child is born
• Make sure those consents satisfy North Carolina’s requirements for finalizing the adoption in a North Carolina court

If consents are not properly collected or recorded:

• The adoption could be challenged later
• You may face additional court hearings and legal expenses
• The adopted child could remain in legal limbo longer than necessary

An experienced adoption attorney reviews consent forms, explains them to the parties involved, and confirms that they comply with both states’ adoption laws, protecting both the adoptive family and the birth family’s rights.

Mistake #5: Underestimating Paperwork, Home Study, and Background Checks

Interstate adoptions involve more paperwork than in-state adoptions because the ICPC office must make sure the placement is safe and appropriate for the child.

Common documentation includes:

• A current, compliant home study of the adoptive home
• Criminal and child abuse background checks for each adult in the home
• Medical information about the child
• Financial information for the adoptive parents
• Copies of consents, court documents, and other legal forms

Problems arise when:

• The home study does not meet the receiving state’s requirements
• Background checks are out of date or incomplete
• Documents are missing, inconsistent, or signed in the wrong order

A Raleigh adoption lawyer who regularly represents clients in interstate adoptions can coordinate with your home study provider, adoption agency, and social worker to help make sure that your ICPC packet is complete and consistent before it is submitted, which can reduce unnecessary delays in the process.

Mistake #6: Ignoring How Your Personal Circumstances Affect the Adoption Process

Adoption is deeply personal. Adoption laws provide structures and rules, but each adoption case turns on the specific people and facts involved:

• Are you a married couple, single parent, or another family structure?
• Do you already have children in the home, or is this your first baby?
• Are extended family members involved or supportive?
• Is the child coming to you from foster care, an agency adoption, or a direct placement?

North Carolina adoption law provides different pathways for infant adoptions, agency adoptions, independent adoptions, adult adoption, and relative adoptions.

A personalized legal strategy may address:

• Comparison and contrast of the states’ paths for adoption proceedings and finalization
• Whether to pursue an agency adoption or independent adoption
• How to communicate with the birth family in a way that respects everyone’s interests and the future emotional health of the child

Because there is no one-size-fits-all approach, working closely with adoption attorneys with decades of experience in this practice area helps you choose a path that aligns with your personal circumstances and long-term goals for your family.

Mistake #7: Trying to “Do It Yourself” Without Guidance from NC Adoption Attorneys

Many families start their adoption journey with online research. They search for terms like “adopting out of state,” “adoption agencies in NC,” or “adoption attorneys near me” and quickly find that information can be confusing or even contradictory.

When you are dealing with two states’ laws, ICPC regulations, court deadlines, and highly technical paperwork, trying to handle everything yourself can lead to:

• Misunderstanding what an adoption agency will and will not handle
• Missteps when communicating with the birth mother or birth parents
• Missed deadlines or filings that slow down your adoption
• Increased stress during a time when you want to focus on your growing family

An experienced adoption lawyer in Raleigh, NC:

• Explains the adoption process in clear, practical language
• Reviews documents before you sign them
• Coordinates with social workers, agencies, and other attorneys involved in the matter
• Attends court hearings with you and helps you prepare to testify, if needed

Mills Adoption Law has devoted decades to helping clients across Raleigh, North Carolina and beyond with interstate adoptions, independent adoptions, agency adoptions, adult adoptions, and other adoption cases. We focus on the child’s welfare and the family’s long-term interests.

How a Raleigh, NC Adoption Lawyer at Mills Adoption Law Can Help You When Adopting Out of State

Working with Bobby Mills, an experienced adoption attorney in Raleigh, North Carolina, can help you:

• Understand how North Carolina law and another state’s adoption laws apply to your specific situation
• Prepare for the ICPC requirements, so you can spend time bonding rather than scrambling over documents
• Identify potential issues early, such as consent questions, financial arrangements, or background checks to address them proactively
• Approach communication with the birth family with clarity and respect
• Move through the court process with confidence, knowing what to expect at each step

Contact Mills Adoption Law: Experience for What Matters Most – Family

If you are thinking about interstate adoption, whether through foster care, an agency adoption, or a private placement, your decision will shape the rest of your life and the life of the child you welcome into your home. Adopting out of state adds another layer of law, rules, and agencies, but you do not have to sort through it alone.

With 35-plus years representing all sides of the adoption triad in North Carolina, attorney Bobby Mills brings extensive insight to each case. He has argued cases at the Court of Appeals and the North Carolina Supreme Court, served on adoption-related committees, and advocated for legislative change. This background translates into practical strategies that prioritize ethical standards for clients who wish to adopt without compromising the achievement of their ultimate goal of giving children loving, stable homes.

Contact Mills Adoption Law today at (919) 306-2899 or complete our online form to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.

Copyright © 2025. Mills Adoption Law. All rights reserved.

The information in this blog post (“post”) is provided for general informational purposes only and may not reflect the current law in your jurisdiction. No information in this post should be construed as legal advice from the individual author or the law firm, nor is it intended to be a substitute for legal counsel on any subject matter. No reader of this post should act or refrain from acting based on any information included in or accessible through this post without seeking the appropriate legal or other professional advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue from a lawyer licensed in the recipient’s state, country, or other appropriate licensing jurisdiction.

Mills Adoption Law
Raleigh, NC 27612
(919) 306-2899
https://www.millsadoptionlaw.com/